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| i've got to stop biting my nails.
i hate being __________________________________
does anyone have any idea if any tailors/clothing shops here in lawton are willing to take intern[ship]s? i dont know if people in this town actually even go to a tailor.
but i'm desperate. i see other people around my age also wanting to get in the same place i want to get into, and they've already got good training or some kind of start.
shit. i'm happy if i can successfully sew 7 inches of a seam and not have my thread break. [yes, cat FINALLY learned how to use her sewing machine. about time, you slackerbitch. gawd!!!!!!]
i'm willing and i'm desperate.
...that also makes me sound like i'm trying to turn to prostitution. i haven't gone there just yet.
would you like me to say i love you? because i probably won't.
actually, i'm not THAT pissy right now. i guess not talking for four days is making me twitchy.
| You Are 21% American |
 You're as American as Key Lime Tofu Pie Otherwise known as un-American! You belong in Cairo or Paris... Get out fast - before you end up in Gitmo! |
| Your Kissing Purity Score: 34% Pure |
 You're not one to kiss and tell... But word is, you kiss pretty well. |
| | |
| looky, this dude got a xanga.
mmm, update.
i felt like some kind of messed up alien today. *siren alerts go off*
i've just been told we're six years behind actual time. and like. lizard people are all gonna come down and stuff. that fucking creeps me out o_O
has the day passed without feeling? i'm not sure.
i wrote pretty things the other day to make julia feel better, and i kind of like what i wrote:
the art of diffusion - this paint, these colors. that was what was running through her mind when she said she really really really liked him, but the words were obscured by the sonic noise of his stereo. he wanted to say the same to her at that exact moment and it kind of seemed like she was some fantastic seraphim, with the light from the bright window behind her glowing; her red shirt emanated a ruby-hued aura around her shadowed silhouette. the light kept buzzing in his head. the guy on the stereo was screaming about old horror movies and fascism, but what really mattered was that she was beautiful. he dropped down on his knees and put his arms around her warm stomach, and he said, "i didnt mean to do it." she can't hear a word either but she strokes his hair and thinks that maybe things will be ok, maybe he is close to the first best thing in her life.
blehblehbleh.
no plot but i guess it's all fine and dandy.
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| give the violet more violence-[::] says:
i'm honestly thinking about having my vagina taxidermized in my death too. or at least a jar of my ovaries and fallopian tubes preserved
Indie: its like musical Masturbation says:
if you do go that route I promise I will place a sign on your pre taxadermized vagina that says "is awaiting taxadermy, do not have sex with, this means you, you sick sick sicko" | | |
| fever. sickness.
a small desire.
i want to lie in the grass and dirt and decompose. no suicidal intentions. nothing horrible happened today.
i just want to decay there and know i am all biodegradable, i guess.
so, how was your day?
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| i know. it's been awhile.
this is the same, but i feel like posting again. since it's been awhile.
i wish staring at people wasn't something that was considered rude.
because i really like to do that. i'm always trying to be careful to not be obvious about staring but i always like watching their expressions and sometimes it's as if i really need to stare harder, and put them on pause to look longer if their face has changed from the interesting and sometimes crucial moment they show. i like picking out certain people because they have that permanent look on or in their face that makes them stick out. i'm not sure what the appropriate word for it, that look/mark.
sometimes the constant watching makes me feel a little sad like i am too separated from the world or whatever, or like i am too quiet and i should be more social, but for the most part it's nice. i want to tivo all these expressions and squint my eyes in serious scrutiny. study their motions, too. maybe if i could do this i could find out all the little secrets that fill in the small, but definite spaces in-between everything in lives, life.
i remember how a lot of people, particularly the newcomers, complained about how germans stared at everyone. i never really understood the big deal since i always did it myself, and the typical parental reprimand of "freddy! don't stare, that's very rude!" wasn't exactly familiar with me.
i guess it all sounds stupid or whatever but those are my thoughts on that.
went down to cameron to see our town. it was good, i suppose. there were a few actors who were particularly great, and i was glad to see that the best girl at the audition had gotten the part of the stage manager, but i think a lot of it was ruined because i didn't like the director's choice for the part of emily. nothing personal, but for the most part, she reminded me of shirley temple, in how she was so overdone and dramatic but her character was really flat, warm soda that had an extra heaping of high fructose corn syrup loaded into it. she seemed so unconvincing. i didn't like her voice either, lol.
but kudos for them because i think it was only about a month for them to put it together.
did you know my mother is coming back on thursday? yep. i wish i could be prepared for her to step back in.
"uh...i don't even know what a poopaw is." | | |
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